For decades, the financial industry has pushed a dangerous lie: that wealth is built through discipline, patience, diversification, and decades of consistent investing.
Fortunately, nobody has time for that anymore.
The truly sophisticated investor knows the shortest path to financial freedom is hearing about an investment from a guy you’ve never met on the internet and immediately moving 80% of your net worth into it before lunch.
Every generation gets its chance:
Tulips. Railroads. Dot-coms. Housing. Crypto. Artificial intelligence. Whatever your cousin’s barber’s fantasy football commissioner just texted the group chat.
History doesn’t repeat itself, but investors do.
Oh, those poor souls dutifully maxing out retirement accounts, buying diversified index funds, and quietly compounding wealth over thirty years until they retire as millionaires. How tragic!
Meanwhile, there are financial wizards turning $8,000 into $80 million by buying an asset they can’t explain to their spouse, whose business model they don’t understand, because a stranger with a cartoon avatar said it’s “still early.”
That’s the kind of bold thinking that built civilizations.
People ask me all the time whether they should diversify.
Absolutely not.
Diversification is just admitting you don’t know what’s going to make you rich. My philosophy has always been simple: find one investment you barely understand and make sure it represents an emotionally unhealthy percentage of your net worth.
Conviction matters here, people.
Now, before anyone gets upset, this isn’t about crypto or AI. Those assets might soar. They might crash. They might become the reserve assets of the future. That’s irrelevant.
The point is that human beings have an almost supernatural ability to convince themselves that this time, this investment, and this chart is The One that suspends the normal laws of economics.
And honestly, I respect the optimism. I praise it.
Some investors waste precious hours reading annual reports and studying valuations.
I simply ask one question:
“Has it been going up?”
If yes, I buy. If it’s already doubled, I buy more. If my dentist brings it up unprompted, I refinance the house.
The truly elite investor understands that by the time your Uber driver recommends it, you’re practically getting in on the ground floor.
Every bull market creates a fresh class of financial prophets. Someone buys one hot stock, watches it triple, and suddenly they’re correcting Warren Buffett in YouTube comments and referring to themselves as “early.”
There are, of course, a few additional principles that every serious investor should follow.
First, It’s really only worth investing in if people are talking about it on social media.
Second, if your investment thesis can be explained in fewer than six acronyms, it’s probably too simple. The best opportunities require at least one blockchain, two layers of artificial intelligence, and a total addressable market larger than the GDP of Germany.
Third, if your spouse understands what you’ve invested in, you’ve chosen something far too mainstream.
And finally, never underestimate the power of FOMO. History’s greatest fortunes have been built by making calm, rational decisions after hearing the phrase, “Bro, you’re going to be sick when you see where this thing is headed.”
Meanwhile, there will always be a small group of people stubbornly insisting on saving regularly, staying diversified, living below their means, and allowing compound interest to do the heavy lifting.
They’ll miss out on the adrenaline. They’ll miss out on the group chats. They’ll miss out on watching their portfolio swing 17% before breakfast. Honestly, my friends, are they really even living?
And, regrettably for the rest of us, they’ll probably end up just fine. But where’s the fun in that?
Now if you’ll excuse me, someone on the internet just posted a blurry screenshot with 117 rocket ship emojis and the words “LAST CHANCE.”
I’ve got some responsible financial planning to do.
In case you don’t know me and can’t read into my sarcasm here, my wife/compliance assistant suggested I add an extra disclaimer on this one. This blog is purely satirical. Here’s hoping you can tell that. If not, good luck on that latest big find, hope you got in on it early.
This post is for education and entertainment (heavy on the entertainment on this one!) purposes only. Nothing should be construed as investment, tax, or legal advice.